The Best Horoscope I've Ever Had
That said, I often enjoy reading my horoscope. I've always taken a perverse pleasure in reading about what skullduggery my boss might have planned for my financial planning--particularly when I was reading as a high school student. Lately, I've enjoyed the Village Voice's existentialist "Free Will Astrology," and the Onion's absurdist horoscrope, brought to you by Lloyd Schumer Sr., Retired Machinist and AAPB-certified Astrologer (the mind boggles).
Today, which happened to coincide with undergraduate commencement day, Lloyd gave me the following horoscope:
All right. Scorpio is going to say this for the last fucking time. With an apostrophe, it means "it is" and without an apostrophe, it means "belonging to it." This is really not that hard.
I have since found it difficult to do any work, my day is so complete.