Wednesday, May 18, 2005

The Best Horoscope I've Ever Had

I flatly don't believe in astrology, which I ascribe, when I'm feeling defensive about it, which isn't often, to the shrinking responses I get from true believers when I cop to being a Scorpio.

That said, I often enjoy reading my horoscope. I've always taken a perverse pleasure in reading about what skullduggery my boss might have planned for my financial planning--particularly when I was reading as a high school student. Lately, I've enjoyed the Village Voice's existentialist "Free Will Astrology," and the Onion's absurdist horoscrope, brought to you by Lloyd Schumer Sr., Retired Machinist and AAPB-certified Astrologer (the mind boggles).

Today, which happened to coincide with undergraduate commencement day, Lloyd gave me the following horoscope:
All right. Scorpio is going to say this for the last fucking time. With an apostrophe, it means "it is" and without an apostrophe, it means "belonging to it." This is really not that hard.

I have since found it difficult to do any work, my day is so complete.


Anonymous Lloyd:

I'd bet you'd enjoy a Bob the Angry Flower Apostrophe Poster.

5/26/2005 10:44:00 AM  
Blogger Jackmormon:

Why yes, I do like Bob the Angry Flower's apostrophe poster--but I wish it addressed the "its--it's" problem. It does fix the MS-Word bug of apostrophizing unrecognized plurals, though.

5/26/2005 07:17:00 PM  

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