Demotic Wisdom From Craigslist
Since Craigslist postings get deleted after a little while, I'll reproduce the post below the fold.
Date: 2005-07-19, 11:19AM EDT
Hey, I've never posted one of these things before. Don't judge me.
I saw you at siren fest on saturday and I decided I had to contact you. The only time I've ever used craigslist in the past was to get Killers tickets (before the sold out, both literally and metaphorically) and to buy some some Guided by Voices limited edition vinyl LPs, so I'm not sure exactly how this works. I guess I just write about you, you read it, and then you contact me. Whatever. I'm already sooooooooo over it.
So as I was saying, I was at siren on saturday. I originally wasn't going to go because the lineup was soooooo passe but my friends talked me into it. I mean, who hasn't seen Ambulance like a MILLION times? Who hasn't seen Brendan Benson at Pianos? Who hasn't been listening to Morningwood on their iPod for like MONTHS? I mean, get with it. The Village Voice makes me ill.
But anyway, I was at siren on saturday. We got there at 3 to see The Dears (snore), but I opted to walk the boardwalk instead. After taking some artsy voyeuristic photographs of unknowing minority children playing on the beach, I made my way back into the crowd of poseurs-- um, I mean "hipsters"-- to see Q and Not U. I'm so over them too, but since it's like one of their last shows I thought I might as well check them out. Whatever. They were cool I guess.
So anyway. After that my loser friends wanted to ride the Cyclone. Please. Like I was going to wait on that line? I rode that shit back in 2001 before siren got all COMMERCIAL and shit. Pssh. Anyway, while they were waiting on line I headed over to Nathans to grab a hot dog. And that's when I saw you.
I should probably describe what you look like, right? I mean, there were thousands of chicks out that day, so it would probably help if I described you accurately to narrow it down. Okay. You: Brown hair. It was up. You had bangs. You were wearing a vintage band T-shirt (not sure which one), a skirt with torn fishnets underneath, and you had wristbands on. Oh yeah, and you had long dangly earrings. And you were smoking cigarettes. And you had a funny looking purse with iPod headphones coming out of it. And you were wearing big sunglasses. And you had a gigantic beaded necklace. And you were wearing flip flops. And you were wearing a lot of eye makeup. And you were drinking Sparks. And you looked disinterested. And your friend standing next to you had her hair dyed red. And your bra strap was showing. Oh, and you were white.
Does that narrow it down enough?
Anyway, I'm sure like hundreds of other guys noticed you, so I should probably describe myself too. Right? I guess. I mean, how does one describe oneself? It's ridiculous. Whatever. Okay. I'm kind of tall. Like roughly 5'10." I don't know my exact height because I haven't been to a doctor or a gym since high school. I'm skinny. Like very skinny. Like, I don't eat. Like, don't let that Nathans hot dog fool you, I was only holding it to be ironic. So yeah, I'm tallish, skinny, and I have a beautiful dark brown eye. Singular. I mean, I have two eyes, but you can only see one because my jet black bangs always cover up the other one. So I have a brown eye. Oh, and I was wearing a black shirt (b/c I wear black on the outside because that's how I feel on the inside.) You know how it is.
You can check me out on myspace if you want. Whatever.
But anyway, I think you're totally cool and we should hang out sometime. Maybe go somewhere nobody ever goes to and listen to some music that nobody's ever heard of. What do you say? I mean, whatever. Either way. Whatever. Like I care. I'm already over it.
Fuck George Bush.
- this is in or around mad-hattan