Wednesday, December 14, 2005

More Dilemmas!

How should one phrase the note?

"When you have sex in the front bedroom at 2:30am, I can hear your bed thud and your girlfriend moan. Please to stop."

"Would it be possible to move your bed away from the wall and to check the bedposts to see if they're properly screwed in?"

"Are you really having sex faster than a jabber beatloop? Because I don't know whether to be envious or appalled."

It's rather delicate.

UPDATE. Rilkefan bestowed this solution in comments, and it's too wonderful to be hidden under a click:
I know that your girlfriend's a moaner,
A fact I did not seek to know.
Tomorrow at three I may phone her,
And tell her it can be nice slow.

I fear that if we have an earthquake
Some morning about half past two,
Your ill-fastened bedposts will buckle,
And the adjacent wall will crush you.

I wish you less aerobic coupling.
I wish you conubial bliss.
I wish you could use the back bedroom
And act like you never read this.

7 Comments:

Blogger rilkefan:

I know that your girlfriend's a moaner,
A fact I did not seek to know.
Tomorrow at three I may phone her,
And tell her it can be nice slow.

I fear that if we have an earthquake
Some morning about half past two,
Your ill-fastened bedposts will buckle,
And the adjacent wall will crush you.

I wish you less aerobic coupling.
I wish you conubial bliss.
I wish you could use the back bedroom
And act like you never read this.

12/15/2005 03:22:00 PM  
Blogger Jackmormon:

Solved!

(Five minutes later, I'm still inarticulate with laughter. It's perfect.)

12/15/2005 05:36:00 PM  
Blogger rilkefan:

I just need to find my Sullivan and a ticket back to the Victorian age.

12/15/2005 07:51:00 PM  
Blogger The Modesto Kid:

Rilkefan -- Ellen and I are both doubled over with laughter. I read the poem out load to her and was unable to read the final line coherently.

12/15/2005 10:31:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous:

Really, if you leave that, it should be impossible for them to be mad.

-Michael

12/16/2005 08:46:00 PM  
Blogger Jackmormon:

The poem is lovely, wonderful, tactful, and appreciative, but so far I've still been too embarrassed to slip it under the upstairs neighbor's door.

If it happens again, though, I know what to do.

12/16/2005 09:04:00 PM  
Blogger Frederick:

Hilarious poem by rilkefan. I hope this problem didn't recur. One of my law school roommates told me that at his college there was a woman who went at it with her boyfriend for hours on end daily, with her screaming all the way through, which he heard through the walls. One night he called her and told her he had to take the LSAT the next day and needed some sleep, could she please be quieter? She was mightily embarrassed.

1/02/2006 08:55:00 PM  

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