Dear Roommate: An Ill-Humored and Not At All Enlightened Rant.
I'm tired of the endless parade of random girls through the apartment. You won't have even washed the dishes from your encounter the night before a new girl wanders in. The last girl will still have her hair caught in the shower drain, and you'll be in bed with another. I don't like hearing you shush the more disposable girls out in the morning. I don't like my own desire to shake some of the more regular
I hate the way that, immediately after sex, you stomp over to the kitchen, leave the freezer door open while you crack a bunch of ice cubes, and pour yourself and only yourself a big glass of ice water. Is the girl never thirsty? Do you never snuggle? Have you considered a pitcher of water next to the bed? Of course, it's even worse when the two of you take turns in the shower, immediately after sex, for the next hour and a half.
I also hate your special post-coital oatmeal, which seems to be the only food you know how to cook. Maypo, mayple syrup, cocanut milk, sweetened condensed milk, and sugar: that shit hardens into glue on the countertops, did you realize that? No, I know you don't---because you never clean up after yourself. And no, I don't want any of your special post-coital oatmeal, and no, offering me some doesn't make up for your eating all of my cookies and bread and all of our other roommate's chocolate.
I may notice more than I'd like to, but you're careless to the point of selfishness, and the walls in this place are paper-thin. Our elderly landlords, who live on the first floor, are unhappy that our apartment has seemingly become a flophouse or a brothel of some sort, and our lease comes up for renewal in the spring. I'd suggest you go to her place, but then a lot of your partners seem to be married or engaged or living with protective family members or in the dorms. Maybe I can convince you to turn pro. Call-out.
If the scheduling goes as planned, in a couple of days we're all going to sit down to sort things out. Ice cubes and post-coital oatmeal will not be mentioned.